


they say that love is forever (your forever is all that i need)

by falloutgirI



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Tragedy, and sorry in advance to those who havent read this yet, here comes the pain, i'm sorry for deleting it tho, prepare your tissues, reposted this shit because apparently some people liked it, some member are mentioned only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:33:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29606016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutgirI/pseuds/falloutgirI
Summary: "Hey Wonu, can I ask you a question?" The brown-haired boy spoke softly, his words calm and smooth. Wonwoo shifted slightly from behind him, his arms still wrapped around his waist. He lifted his head and rested it in the crook of his neck and closed his eyes, humming softly, telling him that he was listening. "What would you do if I died?" Minghao asked, praying to God that he wouldn't be able to work out any hidden messages in his question or voice. Wonwoo's arms tightened around him and his shoulder stiffened behind him. Minghao could tell he was imagining it.Relaxing his muscles, he replied with a sweet, "I won't let you die." Minghao couldn't help but giggle helplessly at him as he burrowed into his neck, blowing warm ticklish air into his ear.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Kudos: 7





	they say that love is forever (your forever is all that i need)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. it's your local trash. i've come back to repost this shit again. 
> 
> i'm sorry for deleting this in the first place anyway, i just went through some sad stuff and was pretty depressed and thought deleting most of my stories will make me feel better. unfortunately, it did not.
> 
> i also apologize for any grammatical errors and mistakes you'd absolutely find while reading this. please just ignore them (or point them out to me pls!).
> 
> p.s keep your expectations lower than satan's throne.

_"So as long as my body lives, and yours- we are one flesh," he whispered. His fingers touched me, hair, chin and neck and breast,_

_and i breathed his breath and i felt him solid under my hand,_

_then i lay my head on his shoulder, the strength of him supporting me,_

_the words deep and soft in his chest._

_"And when my body shall cease, my soul will still be your. Claire- I swear by my hope of heaven,_

_I will not be parted from you."_

_\- drums of autumn_

"Hey wonu, can I ask you a question?" The brown-haired boy spoke softly, his words calm and smooth. Wonwoo shifted slightly from behind him, his arms still wrapped around his waist. He lifted his head and rested it in the crook of his neck and closed his eyes, humming softly, telling  him that he was listening. "What would you do if I died?" Minghao asked, praying to God that he wouldn't be able to work out any hidden messages in his question or voice. Wonwoo's arms tightened around him and his shoulder stiffened behind him. Minghao could tell he was imagining it.

Relaxing his muscles, he replied with a sweet, "I won't let you die." Minghao couldn't help but giggle helplessly at him as he burrowed into his neck, blowing warm ticklish air into his ear. 

"Hey wonu," Minghao started again, earning a sigh escape from his lover's lips. He knew he was being unfair to him, asking him these things, but he really didn't want him to suffer later.

"Wonwoo. . . What if you couldn't stop it?" he asked distant mindedly, his breathing slow and his face unreadable. Coaxed out of his daydreaming, his reverie was broken by a warm large hand cupping his left cheek, pulling his to face him halfway. Minghao saw his lover's breathtaking onyx eyes, and a masculine face to match it. 

Wonwoo's lips came closer, his eyes closing as he closed the distance between them. It was a soft, sweet comforting kiss, one he really liked, he liked it almost as much as the frequent rough and passionate kisses that he would give him later on at night. 

Suddenly, he felt himself drift, he felt himself fall. Minghao's eyes widened in a faint shock, as he saw his own body fall limp in Wonwoo's arms in the distance. Chills entered his body and he watched as everything faded into darkness. Unable to find his voice, unable to breathe, unable to hear, he felt himself lost in darkness as he lost all sense of feeling. He tried to scream, he tried to grab something, anything. He saw tears float above him as he continued to fall. Slowly and quietly, he continued to fall, he continued to scream mutely, begging God to let him see Wonwoo again, to hear him again and to feel his beloved warmth again. 

His wish was apparently answered, as he heard a slurred "Minghao! Minghao! MINGHAO!" from behind him, getting louder with each shout. 

"MINGHAO!" Wonwoo shouted over and over, until he suddenly burst forward, his eyes open and teary. Minghao stared in front of him, wide eyed with tears flowing down, his body shaking at the aftershock of his horrific nightmare. Slowly and gently, Wonwoo cradled him in his arms, picking him up slowly and sitting Minghao on his lap, resting his head at his collar bone. Wonwoo held him closely, rocking him ever so gently, easing and relaxing him with loving sweet words. 

"Hush… Hao, shush, it's okay. I'm here now, it was only a nightmare. Hush Baobéi..." He spoke in gentle tones , slowly relieving him of his fears. 

It wasn't long until he gradually unfroze from his rigid shaking form, his body already getting used to his frequent haunting nightmares. This time though, it had been so real and especially heart wrenching. Before, they were all scenarios where he was spending time with his family, his friends. But this time... it was Wonwoo.

This time, he realised how scared he was, how real that nightmare was, how true it would be in well, only God knew. Remembering his fears, he stopped shaking hysterically, putting his arms around Wonwoo's body and started to cry in his chest. Wonwoo rubbed his back soothingly, his  gaze never leaving him, extremely worried for his beloved. He Had never seen him so upset over a nightmare before, it must have been extremely bad since he was screaming non-stop and thrashing about for quite a while. Of course, he hit him by accident and it would probably leave him with a giant bruise on his back, but he didn't mind. Wonwoo was just worried about him. 

It took a while for Minghao to stay calm and stop crying, when he did he just stayed still in his arms, gazing tiredly at his other arm. It was Wonwoo who spoke first. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked in a deep whisper, still rubbing his back slowly, still soothing him. Instead, he shook his head against his chest and replied, "What's the time?" in a quiet but  ragged voice, but he hoped he wouldn't notice too much. 

Unable to lie, Wonwoo stated "2 a.m." He felt him tense up like he expected, so he stopped  rubbing his back. He immediately became restless, pushing him away gently and taking a deep breath. 

"It's ok, I don't mind being woken up if it's because of you xiaoba." He said with his trademark nickname. He scooped him up in his arms before pulling him back into the bed and next to him. Holding him tightly in his arms, he sighed contentedly and lay down. "Let's go back to sleep, ne?" He offered, continuing with a, "Don't worry, I'll make sure you fall asleep first, I won't let any nightmares get you." While chuckling. 

Minghao, even though he didn't believe he wouldn't get another nightmare, as he had been having quite a few frequently lately just not so bad ones, he smiled weakly at the thought and tried to go back to sleep. Taking a yawn, he pulled his upper arm under his head and rested his head on it while cuddling the rest of Wonwoo's arm. He smirked at Minghao's antics, laughing at himself even more for letting himself become his pillow again. 

Wonwoo watched him silently, watching him as his breathing slowed down and settled. He was thankful he managed to fall asleep again without any nightmares, Minghao had gotten into a rut of having nightmares and waking up in the middle of the night. He hadn't noticed that Wonwoo noticed, he had often pretended that he was asleep when Minghao woke up from his nightmares. 

Minghao would wake up in a panic, his body shaking slightly from the nightmare, and he would cradle himself while breathing harshly. After a while he would calm down slightly, and his gaze would fix on Wonwoo. Wonwoo knew he didn't know that he was awake, but he would still lean in closer and kiss him on the forehead, caressing his cheek lightly with the back of his hand, then cuddle up with him to sleep. He'd then slowly wrap his arm around him, still pretending it was a reflex. After that he would fall asleep again, but he would stay up just in case he'd have another frightening nightmare. 

Carefully tucking a lock of loose brown hair behind his ear, he closed his eyes as he cuddled up with him, looking forward to when his lover will wake up and be his cheery self again. 

* * *

Just like Wonwoo had said, Minghao didn't have any more nightmares that night and he was extremely relieved because of that. He had never been so scared about it before. Still trembling slightly, but thankful Wonwoo had already left to work, he got up and got dressed. 

Not bothering to eat breakfast, he slipped into his shoes and headed out to the hospital. If Wonwoo caught him going to the hospital, he'd have to lie and say he had some urgent work to do, which of course if Wonwoo asked what urgent work it was he'd be totally and utterly screwed since he would probably ask if he could help in some way. Not that he doesn't love his company and chivalrous nature, he didn't like to lie, and it would be even worse if Wonwoo caught him lying. 

Sighing, he opened the doors to the hospital, not noticing a curious black haired Wonwoo watching him enter from a distance. 

Minghao walked in, and turned towards the people behind the glass counter. "Is Jeonghan hyung here yet?" He asked, hoping he wouldn't have to spend any more time in the hospital than he had to, it was a known fact that Minghao hated hospitals, even if he was a medical student. Knowing this more than anyone else apart from Minghao, Wonwoo stealthily watched him from afar, slightly worried about his boyfriend. 

"Ah, Myungho-ssi, he's waiting in room 179." A person clad in a white medical uniform said. Minghao said a swift "Thank you" and immediately headed to the said room. Wonwoo completely followed him silently, wondering what might be the matter. A small part of him told him that he  should trust Minghao more and that sneaking around is not a good way of showing  that he did trust him, but lately... Lately he felt that Minghao was definitely hiding something. His actions were sometimes more erratic, and sometimes more slurred and depressed. Wonwoo didn't show he noticed, but something was definitely wrong with him, and he needed to know what before he could help Minghao. 

As Minghao entered room 179, Wonwoo heard a voice. 

"Ah, Myungho, you've come." A voice familiar to everyone in the building, the voice belonging to Yoon Jeonghan. Wonwoo sighed inwardly, he wouldn't be able to get in the room without being spotted and found out. He guessed that he would have to listen from outside the old fashioned way, since it was too late to even try to bug anything. Knowing that Jeonghan and his lover, they would probably turn the place into rubble, and him at that if they knew it was him. He cringed inwardly. 

Minghao walked into the room, still unknowing of his lover's intentions to eavesdrop on their conversation. He closed the door behind him silently, and sat down on a bed. Wonwoo pressed his ear to the door. 

"Jeonghan-hyung...." Minghao started, Wonwoo could barely hear it. 

"How long... ... ...until... ... ... it's... ..." He could hear parts of Minghao's "chat". 

"... ... me check ... ... ... ... a ... ... ..." Jeonghan's voice was especially hard to understand, he almost couldn't hear him at all. 

"...only ... ... ... ... that long..?" Minghao's voice seemed heartbroken, despair etched in his voice. Wonwoo was beyond curious now, something told him that something was extremely wrong here. 

"Yeah... ... ... I know... ... you're telling ... ... members right?" 

"... ... un... ... I guess I have to..." Their voices became much more audible, Wonwoo using all his might to amplify the sounds. 

"Are you going to tell Wonwoo?" Jeonghan asked, Wonwoo's attention gathering at the sound of his name being said. 

"..." Minghao paused to think before answering. 

"No. Definitely not. I can't tell him..." He said in a deadly whisper, he sounded like he was about to cry. 

"You're going to have to tell him sometime... If you don't... He'll be hurt the most when the time comes." Jeonghan said, a motherly tone set into his voice. Wonwoo listened for longer, but they didn't talk about anything else that seemed important, Jeonghan only comforted him. 

Wonwoo slowly detached himself from the door, knowing they would leave soon. 

He was extremely worried by now and as he walked to the main hall of the hospital he started and tried to contemplate the problem, taking in all the facts that he had overheard. Seriously troubled by the talk between his lover and Jeonghan, he found himself lost in what would happen. He could probably try to guess hundreds of scenarios or answers to his dilemma off the top of his head, but knowing him, he would probably think of only the worst case scenarios.

He smirked, 'Curiosity killed the cat.' He thought inwardly, before imagining himself tricking Minghao into telling him somehow. 

At that thought, he stopped. He guessed that if Minghao didn't want to tell him, he should respect his decision. He should have faith in him, he thought, he'd probably tell him soon anyway. 

He arrived at the main hall of the hospital and leaned against a wall crossing his arms and closing his eyes, awaiting his brown haired lover. Soon enough though, Minghao came through the same hallway and walked to the centre of the hall before Minghao noticed him being there. He sighed as Minghao could only gape at him, but he quickly turned around and tried to leave, showing evidence of his guilt. Before he turned around, it was easy for Wonwoo to notice the tear streaks that moistened his cheeks. 

He uncrossed his arms letting them drop to his side, and walked towards him. Minghao was walking slower on purpose, as if he was trying to let Wonwoo catch up with him. When he did, he grabbed and held his hand, letting their hands swing by as they walked. 

They walked in silence side by side, not to anywhere in particular but anywhere where they could be together. Usually they would be talking about the most random of things, but this time, they both didn't know what to talk about. Of course, there were tons of noisy people around them, but when they were together; no one else mattered but each other. 

"Minghao." Wonwoo broke the silence first, his velvety voice piercing his invisible defense oh-so easily. "What's wrong?" 

Minghao stayed silent, looking down as he let him lead him through the crowds of noisy people. Wonwoo watched him as he breathed in deeply, preparing himself to speak, but giving up in an exasperated sigh. Finally, he replied, but it wasn't exactly the answer he was looking for. 

"What were you doing in the hospital?" Minghao's voice came out as an almost inaudible whisper. He sighed at him changing the subject, and smiled helplessly. He tried thinking of an excuse, but guessed it would be really bad if he lied and it was too obvious, since there were other people in that room apart from him and he would easily be able to know if Wonwoo had lied to him or not. 

"I saw you entering the hospital." Wonwoo started, watching his muscles tense. He guessed he tensed because he was scared that he might know, he could use this against him, but decided not to. "I thought I'd wait for you to finish whatever you had to do so we could go somewhere to relax together..." He trailed off, watching Minghao relax slightly at his lie. He continued, "...Unless of course, you don't want to." Wonwoo teased haughtily. He was rewarded with an extremely cute pout from his worried lover, and an "Of course I'd love to!" from him. He chuckled at him helplessly, happy to see Minghao in fighting spirits again. 

They walked on through the noisy crowds, Minghao still didn't know where Wonwoo was taking him, but he didn't mind, it gave him a good excuse to keep holding his hand. Squeezing his hand softly, he returned the gesture by squeezing his hand too. Wonwoo smiled as he remembered the time he had openly admitted, to his and Minghao's embarrassment, why he had liked holding his hands so much. Yes. He smirked, Xu Minghao had a hand fetish. 

Back then when they weren't living together, Minghao was at Wonwoo's room in his parents' house and they were sitting next to each other while leaning on a wall. Wonwoo was lecturing him about how he should take better care of himself and pay attention to his environment, since earlier on the way to the Jeon's compound, Minghao had tripped around 4 times. Secretly, even though Wonwoo  would never know unless he told him, he just wanted an excuse for Wonwoo to catch and then hold him. And it worked. 

Wonwoo was still lecturing him, making him wince under his harsher more annoyed but concerned tone, when Minghao started losing focus. His concerned words became strings of "Blabla bla, blablablabla, bla bla bla!" and started to fidget. An amusing habit, Wonwoo had described it as, that he had had since he was young. Minghao grabbed his hand and started playing with it, earning a confused facial expression that looked like "I want to be annoyed at you, but you're making it too hard for me to not laugh.". When he noticed Wonwoo staring at him peculiarly, he giggled helplessly at him, saying he liked his hands. Minghao could have sworn his head conked to the side a bit and that he saw gears moving in his head try to work the meaning of what Minghao had said out. Wonwoo's childish confused expression was so cute; he couldn't help but continue giggling. 

Still listening to his giggling, Wonwoo remembered that Minghao had said something along the lines of, "Your hands are really big, compared to mine of course. And they're really soft," Minghao started talking about the way they were shaped too, "You have sexy hands!" He had concluded cheerfully, not at all blushing. It amazed Wonwoo that he wasn't the tiniest bit ashamed about his hand fetish. In fact, if anyone blushed it was Wonwoo, who was fighting the urge to withdraw his hand and hide under his bed, totally not used to Minghao's extra attention. He was glad he didn't though, he remembered himself enjoying his attention and teasing that day. He also remembered himself praying to god that Minghao wouldn't tell everyone else about his hands and Minghao's hand fetish. 

Wonwoo actually laughed at the memory of him leaving the Jeon's compound the next morning trying to hide his face and not be seen, scared that Minghao actually DID start telling random people things about his hands. He saw him later today, and asked him if he DID start telling people, and he must have looked extremely worried or funny in some way since as soon as he asked Minghao fell to the floor laughing his head off. 

Smiling to himself as he walked hand in hand with Minghao, he led him away from the giant mobs and crowds that herded around the markets like sheep. Minghao looked at him puzzledly as he smiled to himself, still wondering where they were going. Before Minghao could even ask, Wonwoo turned to him and smirked. Wonwoo tugged on his hand twice, signalling that they were going to go faster. Before Minghao could even brace himself to keep though, Wonwoo lifted him up into his arms earning a loud shriek from Minghao and quite a lot of thrashing before dashing off in a blur. 

By the time Wonwoo stopped, Minghao had wrapped his arms around his neck silently, his head held at the crook of his neck completely unmoving, scared to death by his sudden movement. Wonwoo stood there for a while holding him before he dared to move. Chuckling at his nauseous expression he let him down slowly. As Wonwoo let him down, he grinned mischievously as he glared daggers at him while giving him a viscous pout. His grin widened as Minghao saw where he had taken him.His anger completely vanishing, he looked around him and started running around in circles around him like a kid. 

"Wonwoo! Where did you take me?" He asked with an ear to ear smile as he twirled around. 

They were surrounded by miles of flower fields. Minghao ran around in amazement as all he could see were beautiful flowers and trees. Right now, they were in what seemed to be a patch of sunflowers. Watching Minghao with amusement, he walked towards what he thought was an almond blossom tree and sat in the shade watching him. His gaze never leaving him, he reached inside his right trouser pocket feeling the box inside of it, and sighed taking his hand out of it  empty. 

Suddenly Minghao fell over after tripping over something, causing Wonwoo to release a refreshing bubble of laughter. Clutching his stomach, he thought he would die of laughter. Minghao heard him, and once again, glared daggers at him, causing him to laugh even more. He sobered up quickly as he made his way to him, holding a sunflower in his hand. Minghao stood in front of him, arms on his hips with an annoyed look on his face. Wonwoo simply smiled and held out his arms for Minghao and spreading his legs out. Accepting his invitation, Minghao turned around and leaned back whilst sitting down, entwining his fingers with his hands as Wonwoo's arms wrapped around him. 

They stayed like that for what felt like ages, Wonwoo's face buried in his neck, his breathing slow and calm. Minghao felt his silken hair settle on his shoulder, he smiled as he remembered fond memories of him weaving his fingers through it at night. 

Minghao leaned back into him more, the feel of Wonwoo completely comforting him. He wanted to stay like this forever, but it broke his heart when he remembered that he didn't have forever. He kept telling himself that he'd spend all his time left with Wonwoo, and make his last moments with him count, but a small part of him told him he should break up with Wonwoo, just so that he could make the pain lessen. He knew that the pain of leaving something behind was unbearable, but what about the  person being left behind? Minghao loved him too much to be selfish and let him suffer alone; he'd much rather him ending up hating him and not feeling so much pain when his time came. 

Slowly, Wonwoo unwrapped his left arm from around him. and reached again for the box in his pocket. He hesitated before he brought it out, looking at it seriously and wondering whether he should try again or not. Burying his face in his hair again, he brought the box into Minghao's view. Minghao's eyes widened as he saw that familiar velvet box. "Wonu... Please...

Wonwoo released his other arm from his hand and opened the box in front of him, praying to God once again for Minghao to accept his proposal. "Minghao… Baobéi.. I love you... I know you love me too... Please..." 

Slowly, he felt Minghao's body tremble, and he saw tears rolling down his cheeks. Wonwoo sighed then cursed inwardly as he shut the box, putting it away to cradle him tightly. He was extremely glad Minghao couldn't see his face, he was pretty sure he looked pretty heartbroken. 

"Why..?" He asked. It hadn't been the first time he had proposed, and each time he had, the same reaction and answer from Minghao broke his heart. He couldn't understand why he refused him, he loved him more than life itself and he knew Minghao loved him just as much as well. He demanded to know why he wouldn't agree to marry him. 

"Wonu... Please... I can't..." Minghao murmured while sniffling, trying his best to wipe his eyes. Wonwoo sighed and unwrapped his arms from around him again, getting up and picking up the sunflower that Minghao had picked. He was about to turn and leave, but was stopped in his tracks when he heard Minghao speak again. 

"Hey Wonwoo... What would you do if I died?" Minghao asked, just like he had in his dream, but this time it was real. Unfortunately, he had said it so softly, so quietly, Wonwoo couldn't hear it all. He turned back and emitted a small questioning "huh?". Minghao looked at him, his eyes still watery, then looked down to an emerging root of the tree. He shook his head, "It's nothing, just mumbling to myself." He got up and left, leaving a trail of dust behind for Wonwoo to look at.

Sighing, Wonwoo sat back down trying to feel sorry for himself. He guessed he should have known better than to ask Minghao again, so soon after the last time. 

The last time that he had asked him, they had a massive argument. Minghao was crying his eyes out, saying things he couldn't even understand or hear. He remembered grimly the last argument they had had with each other over the same ring. 

* * *

They were in Minghao's house. Their house. In the living room. They were standing opposite of each other, one trembling with confusion and anger and the other one with his shoulders slumped, trying his best to avoid eye contact. 

"Why won't you marry me?" Wonwo o asked desperately, trying to get to the source of the problem. He loved Minghao, he loved him so much, more than life itself, and he knew that Minghao loved him just as much. Which was why he couldn't understand why he didn't want to marry him. They moved in together and lived happily and they both loved each other, why won't he agree to marry him? 

Wonwoo walked towards him slowly, walking around the small coffee table that acted as a wall to separate them. Wonwoo lifted his arms to Minghao's shoulders and tried to look at his face, watching how he bit his lip and averted his gaze. They had been arguing for what seemed like ages, but it wasn't that much of an argument, more of one side demanding an answer from the other side. Wonwoo was sick of hearing his own voice and he was sick of Minghao avoiding the answer. If it was something like Minghao didn't love him anymore, of course it would break his heart, but the pain that he was feeling right now in his heart was almost unbearable. Bravely attempting to guess, he spoke in a whisper. 

"Do you even love me anymore?" He asked, blinking away harsh tears from his eyes. Minghao heard his question, and he shook his head violently, mumbling something like "No... Of course I love you, I love you more than anything, which is why I can't marry you." What he had said confused Wonwoo even more, he wanted to ask but he was stopped in his tracks by a sea of tears that came washing down Minghao's cheeks. He stepped back not wanting to see him upset, it tore him to pieces to see Minghao like this, to see them like this. Wonwoo inhaled deeply, hesitating as he debated in his head if he should say what he wanted to or not. As much as he didn't want to hurt Minghao, he was hurting too, and he had a right to know. 

"Minghao." Wonwoo started, watching him tremble at the sound of his name. "Why... Why won't you marry me? If... If I had gone ahead and asked you about a month ago... You would have probably agreed, I'm sure of it." He asked worryingly, trying to ease an answer out of him. 

Minghao cringed at his statement, and knew it was probably true. If Wonwoo had asked him to marry him, he would have jumped for joy and wholeheartedly agree to marry him. Even now, he would love to be his husband, but he knew he couldn't. Minghao knew that if he married him now, Wonwoo would definitely be the one to hurt the most when his time came. Even before Wonwoo had proposed to him just now, he had been debating whether or not he should end it with him. Minghao knew that if things kept going on like the way it was, Wonwoo would be crushed when he did leave him. He loved him so much, he couldn't bear to leave him with such pain. On the other hand, he also couldn't bear to be apart from him, whenever he had to travel, he found himself unable to sleep, restless from the giant space in his bed. 

During the past few weeks, Minghao had been preparing himself to break up with Wonwoo, telling himself it was for the best and that Wonwoo would be much happier without him. He knew that leaving someone was excruciatingly painful, but what about the person being left behind? He refused to let him go through that, even if it meant hurting him now. He would debate that with himself every single time before he confronted Wonwoo, but every single time he looked into his  happy loving dark eyes, he could feel his heart break, and his intentions crumble. Knowing this, and having experienced it several times, he finally concluded that there was no use trying to even break up with him. 

The only way Wonwoo could be let free, is if he freed himself. Knowing this, Minghao had started doing things that might have annoyed him or troubled him, not necessarily giving him extra work load or hurting him, but doing small tiny things like pretending he forgot he didn't like sugar in his tea, or going to bed early and totally ignoring him at night. Minghao felt guilty of course, but he knew that it was for the best. The whole time, he had been trying his best to avoid him, his chest hurting whenever he did see him, the guilt choking him. Like it did right now. 

Still being gazed at by his lover, Minghao fought the strong urge to drop to his knees and curl into a little ball. He wouldn't be able to answer Wonwoo's question, not without either hurting him or condemning him to an upsetting future. Time ticked as they remained standing there in silence, like they had been for what seemed like ages. Wonwoo wasn't even looking at him anymore, just looking at the floor. He was on the verge of giving up on Minghao, not even expecting him to care if he did. Knowing he would regret it and feel a heap of guilt later on, he didn't care anymore; he'd just have to deal with it later. 

Wonwoo turned around and grabbed his jacket, then turned around again to walk past him coldly, not saying a word. Only stopping in front of the exit, he looked behind him at Minghao's unmoving body. His eyes narrowed and his mouth formed a grim line. 

"Come find me when you can be bothered to. Don't even bother trying to find me if you haven't sorted whatever the hell your problem is." Wonwoo seethed, his voice was deeper than usual, colder than usual. So cold it sent chills to Minghao's spine. He opened the door and waited a moment, half expecting Minghao to run to him or something, and ask him to stay with him. When he didn't move at all, Wonwoo sighed inwardly with rage and exited, slamming the door harshly in his fury. 

As soon as Wonwoo was gone, Minghao fell to the floor and cried his eyes out, sobbing away, not caring if anyone could hear him. It was so unfair, so unfair that he would never be able to be the one beside Wonwoo as he stands at the altar, he would never be the one Wonwoo would have kids with, he would never be the one who could have a normal life together with him. Minghao cried as memories of him that he had tried to bury came and resurfaced, crying at how cruel life was. He cried and cried, choking at times where he couldn't get enough oxygen, completely unknowing of the person sitting slumped outside the door. Wonwoo's face was empty, expressionless as he listened to him crying. 

It took a while for Minghao to calm down, but even then, he was still crying, but his sobs had been reduced to silent whimpering. Wonwoo had been listening that whole time, the palm of his hand covering his face as he punished himself for being so horrible to him. Groaning, he knew Minghao would know that he had been listening to him cry if he came in straight away and he also knew Minghao wouldn't be so thankful if he was walked in on while he was crying. He got up and went to Seungcheol's house to cool off. 

After spending hours with them, it was midnight. Wonwoo picked up the jacket he had tossed aside before leaving, and headed back home eagerly. He really, really wanted to apologise, to make Minghao smile again, and to make everything between them right and happy again. But he already knew, as he got the keys for the door out from his jacket, that the damage had already been done,  and they probably wouldn't be able to return to the way they were for a while .  Opening the door slowly, as to not make any noise, he crept in silently. He couldn't see any lights in the house so he guessed Minghao was either getting ready for bed, or already in bed. He let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding and hung his jacket up on a hook whilst slipping off his shoes. 

He walked up the stairs noiselessly and stopped walking through the hall when he came to their room. He held his breath before he reached for the door handle, and exhaled quietly as he entered. 

Looking into the room, he saw Minghao's slumped figure on the bed, lying on Wonwoo's side of the bed, hugging his pillow. A sympathetic and apologetic look was painted on his face as he walked closer to him. Minghao's body was still, tears visible on both of their pillows. He put his hand on Minghao's shoulder, perfectly aware of the fact he was pretending to be asleep. Minghao's breathing wasn't as shallow as it was during his sleep, and even though he didn't snore when asleep, Wonwoo saw him holding his breath as he put his hand on Minghao's shoulder. 

They didn't move for quite a while until Minghao finally decided to give up pretending he was asleep. He shifted away from Wonwoo and buried his face in his pillow, dragging the duvet with him. Wonwoo wanted to smile at his antics, but found himself unable to at the thought of Minghao being angry at him. 

Wonwoo moved closer to him, and ran his hand through his hair. Trailing his hand down Minghao's neck and past his shoulders, he leaned into him in an effort to pull him up to face him. As he did, he noted Minghao's red eyes and puffy cheeks, wincing as the guilt hit him again. Wonwoo pulled him into his arms, crushing him against his chest and rubbed his cheek against his head. Wonwoo rubbed his back soothingly with one arm, and with the other he massaged his head softly. Staring blankly at a piece of wall, Minghao wanted him to say something, anything. He hated it when Wonwoo was avoiding him on purpose, even though Minghao had done exactly that to him only a few hours ago. More silent moments went by and Wonwoo didn't say anything, nor did Minghao. The silence was killing them both, and Wonwoo noticed Minghao getting more troubled by it. 

"I'm sorry Baobéi..." Wonwoo said, thankful Minghao wasn't looking at him. His heart clenched as he felt warm moisture soak his clothes. He hugged Minghao tighter in response, not wanting him to cry. Minghao surprised him though by speaking, though he didn't understand exactly what Minghao was saying, his speech in shaky whisper. 

"Why aren't I allowed to be with you?" ' _Why can't I be with you forever?_ ' Minghao thought inwardly. Wonwoo didn't understand what he was saying, so he just continued to rub his back to try to comfort him. 

"Hushhhh, baobéi. It's okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry baobéi..." Wonwoo whispered to him, his voice shaky from the tears welling up in his eyes. "I'll always be with you baobéi, always." As he said those words Minghao started sobbing, saying that that's a lie and that's not true. 

"Don't lie to me!" Minghao shrieked, violently sobbing, "You won't stay with me, you'll leave me, like everyone else will." He said between sobs, not caring anymore about hiding the truth from him  anymore, "As soon as I'm gone, you won't care about me, you'll forget me and leave me!" 'You'll leave me and live on without me.' 

"Shhh baobéi, calm down, it's okay... Don't worry... I won't leave you, I promise, hush baobéi." Wonwoo said soothingly, absorbing his words like a sponge and wondering what had happened to make Minghao believe that he would leave him. Loosening his hold on him to let him become more comfortable, he assured himself he'd prove that to him. He looked down at Minghao again, and watched him as his sobs quietened down into small whimpers, which then stopped completely  as he slowly fell asleep in his arms. 

Leaning back slightly, Wonwoo took the pillow gently from his hands and placed it next to him, and pushed him gently, ushering Minghao to try to sleep. He grabbed the tossed duvet and placed it on Minghao, kissing him on his closed eyes softly, before tucking hi. in. Wonwoo lingered by his side for a bit, watching him breathe in and out, their argument and Minghao screaming replaying over and over in his head. Yawning, he got some fresh more comfortable clothes and he walked out of the room to the hall, walking into their bathroom. 

Taking his clothes off of himself, he walked into the shower, sighing appreciatively as warm water trickled down his skin. He'd probably take a day off tomorrow, unless of course there was an emergency. 

Getting out of the shower he dried himself then got dressed in his fresh clothes. The whole time he was in the shower, he had been thinking, thinking about them. Making his way to their bedroom and a sleeping Minghao, he told himself that he would worry about things later. All he wanted right then was to sleep in the arms of his lover after a long day. 

Dragging himself towards the bed he picked the duvet up and slipped in, arms naturally looking for Minghao. When they found him, they pulled their bodies closer to each other and wrapped around Minghao's waist instinctively, and the arm that wasn't buried under his looking for his hand, entwining his own hand with it when he found it. Pushing all other thoughts away other than watching him breathe in and out, he slowly drifted to sleep. 

* * *

It had only been a day since Wonwooi had last proposed to him in the sunflower field, but that also meant he had one less day to spend with him. Sighing, Minghao already knew that he wasn't planning to spend today with Wonwoo and that he would be too busy to spend time with him as he had work. Minghao frowned at his doctor, Jeonghan, for forcing him to tell his team members at least. 

Walking towards the studio where he would meet Soonyoung and Jun, Chan being absent for some strange reason, he pondered about how he would tell them. His thoughts were interrupted though, by a sudden flash of blonde and silver sneaking up on him and scaring the life out of him. Minghao turned around and glared at them, earning two ear-to-ear grins from his two favourite dummy dancers. Giggling helplessly, he hit them lightly on their heads and put on a mock angry tone. 

"Hey! You guys aren't supposed to sneak up on me!" He started, trying hard to keep a straight face. 

"So... What's up Myungho-ah?" Jun said cheerfully with a cheeky smile, "Here to ask me for a date?" 

"Dummy, if he wanted to then he wouldn't have called me too." Soonyoung said, enjoying the feeling of cutting Jun's joke short. 

"Ah... About that..." Minghao trailed off, "I want to take you all out to have ramen, and then we can talk." He decided, smiling sweetly as he said it. Jun beamed while Soonyoung just shrugged with a smile. 

Walking to the restaurant's, Minghao wondered again how he would try to tell them. "Hey hyungs, i'm going to die in a week or two, you were great friends." Didn't sound so great, and nor did, "Hey, I'm going in a few weeks, I'll see you in heaven in a few years! Love you!".

They arrived there within about five minutes, and they sat down inside. Still in deep thoughts as they ordered, Minghao found himself nudged by Jun to order. 

"Ah... I'll have miso pork ramen." Minghao said, pretending he was cheery again. Almost straight away after he ordered he got what he wanted, and found himself much hungrier than he had thought. His team members just watched as he wolfed his ramen down. 

Minghao was halfway through his ramen when he was interrupted by Jun, asking what he wanted to talk about. Minghao finished what he had put in his mouth and gracefully set his chopsticks criss crossed on the top of the bowl, gazing at the bowl and trying to stop himself from looking at them. Clearing his throat, he started. 

"Hey Jun-ge ,. .Soonyoung-hyung, . .. What would you do if I died?" H asked seriously, waiting a few seconds before giving in and looking at them. 

Jun was wide eyed, like Minghao expected he would be. For once, he laughed dryly, he was speechless and shocked. Soonyoung surprised him even more, giving an almost exact same expression as Jun. If it weren't for the given circumstances, He would have laughed and giggled at them, joking about how funny and similar they looked. 

They stayed silent for a while, but Jun was the first to speak. 

"Hahahaha! Nice joke Myungho-ah!" Jun laughed forcibly, and turned back to his ramen and picked up his chopsticks, his hands shaking in the process. "Don't do such a mean joke next time, I won't forgive you next time if you joke about something so serious." He continued to force himself to laugh. 

"Jun-ge.." Minghao said, the look on his face broke Jun's heart, just from that, Jun knew he was serious. One look at Minghao, and he knew he was dead serious. Suddenly, the whole world froze for him. Jun could hear him explaining, but he turned away. He didn't want to hear it. 

Soonyoung was the same too, he slumped his shoulders and looked down to the floor. Head down, deliberating what exactly he should do. 

"Myungho-ah… Why only tell us now?" Soonyoung said to no one in particular, not expecting an answer even. 

Minghao watched as his best friend stood up, his eyes dull and his gaze far away and empty. 

"Jun-ge… Soonie-hyung... Please... Don't tell Wonwoo." He finished, his voice in a mere whisper, desperate for them to keep his secret. 

Jun thought it was unfair of course. He considered Minghao as his own brother and he was Minghao too. He already knew that whatever his reaction towards Minghao's 'announcement' would affect him tremendously, but had Minghao already thought through how much whatever he had just said would hurt him? It wasn't fair to him, that Minghao had told him this so soon, it wasn't fair that he was so important to Minghao that he would tell him, and it wasn't fair that whatever Jun would say about it to him could crush his happiness to bits. 

Why couldn't he just leave without saying anything? That would have been the easiest for him, but not the easiest for Minghao. Jun knew that he wouldn't even begin to be able to understand the pain that Minghao was going through, all he knew was that he must have been torn to pieces when he found out. Jun couldn't and wouldn't destroy whatever happiness and resolve that Minghao had left. But what could Jun do?

Jun knew what type of response he shouldn't and couldn't give him, leaving now without a word would break his heart, far more than if he hugged him and cried in his arms. Although if he did that and was caught, a certain Jeon would kick his ass and bite his head off. Right now, all he knew was that Minghao needed his support and someone to rely on. If that was all that he could do, he would do it. 

Fighting back tears, Jun slowly looked at him, worry written and scrawled all over Minghao's face. He looked at him, and all the nagging feelings that told him to run away came back to him, desperation shown on both of their faces, Minghao's brown eyes pleading with him. Jun came closer to him and pulled him into a giant hug, swearing he'll try his best to help make Minghao's remaining days the happiest they would ever be. Soonyoung also gulped down his shock, getting up and walking to them, putting his hand affectionately on Minghao's head, his action alone comforting him. So thankful for them, Minghao burst into tears and cried into Jun's chest, letting them see for one of the first times in their lives the weak and vulnerable Minghao. And it was a sight that they swore to remember for the rest of their lives. 

Still sniffling and rubbing his red eyes, Minghao reached into his pocket to get two pieces of chiming metal attached to chains. He giggled softly as he pulled out 2 keychains. 

They both had a custom frog-chibi piece, handing each of them their own, Minghao beamed at them before turning around and putting an arm in the air. 

"Well then, see you later hyungs!." He said in his melodic voice, walking off before they could even say anything. 

* * *

It was another day that passed without Wonwoo with him, and today would be another. Wonwoo had rushed off to find him in the night, kissing him and apologizing. He had an urgent business trip to do with some travelling to do, something about needing a representative for their company's expansion. 

Minghao was slightly thankful for Seungcheol for giving him a business trip like Minghao had asked him to, he wouldn't be able to contact Mingyu at all if Wonwoo was around, since he would have to worry about accidentally running into him or Mingyu would run away as soon as he would be distracted by his boyfriend. 

Getting up from bed sleepily. Even though he hated to be apart from Wonwoo, he guessed he was lucky since he wouldn't have to worry about Wonwoo barging in on a conversation with Mingyu that he would insist that they would have. 

Mingyu still lived with his parents, but that wasn't saying much as most of the time either he or his parents were on a business trip. Today, he definitely knew that Mingyu didn't have one, and if he wanted to run, stuff him. Minghao would drag his sorry butt to his house and make sure that he listened to his shameless request. 

Being already familiar with the Kim-Jeon Household, he sighed in relief as he entered Mingyu's room as he saw a surprised Mingyu staring at him, holding his green tea in mid air as if he was about to drink it. Settling it down clumsily, he got up and immediately tried to make his retreat, his hair bobbing up and down as he tried to make his escape. 

Unfortunately for him, Minghao already knew he was going to try to run away. He didn't know why Mingyu was avoiding him or why he even thought he could run away from Minghao, but it didn't matter now that he had successfully jumped onto him and pinned him onto the floor.

Smirking at him evilly, Minghao made sure he took his time in memorizing his annoyed and slightly embarrassed look. Mingyu's voice soft and completely betraying his half-assed glare, he only greeted him with a grunt. 

Smile turning suspicious on Mingyu's recent retreats and crappy escape techniques, a fearsome and evil looking grin appeared on Minghao's face, letting him know he was soooooo dead. Mingyu knew  this and cringed inwardly, sighing and preparing himself for the unfair abuse and interrogation he would go through throughout the next few minutes. 

"So why HAVE you been avoiding me? Mingyu-ah." Minghao asked in a mock and fake malicious tone, 'that completely didn't suit him' Mingyu thought, and saying his name in an evilly sweet tone.  Groaning, he let his face press against the floor. Minghao frowned at his resistance, and decided to start stage one of the torture. 

He lifted his head up and watched with horror as Minghao took his nunchucks out of nowhere, knowing what was going to happen. Immediately losing to the bare thought of the torture awaiting him, he admitted defeat. Smiling, Minghao put his nunchucks away and looked at Mingyu expectantly, waiting for an explanation before he started what he wanted to say. 

Mingyu sighed inwardly, knowing his step-brother would kill him if he told Minghao what really happened to make him want to stay away from Minghao. 

A while ago Wonwoo had just left home to live with Minghao for the time being until of course Wonwoo planned to marry him and drag him to the Kim-Jeon compound, making Mingyu laugh behind his back at the fact that Minghao wouldn't leave his home without a fight, or without serious negotiations. The thought also made Mingyu shiver as he thought of his old crush and one of his best friends being his brother-in-law, and wanted to curl into a little ball at thoughts of Minghao's daily bullying and nagging. if Minghao became his brother-in-law, he would totally and utterly completely enjoy bullying him as a brother in law. His own evil step-brother plus an evil brother-in-law with monstrous strength was something he wasn't looking forward to. He would be teased every single day of his life. His pride was at stake! 

After Wonwoo had left, he had to say it became quite peaceful and calm for him, quiet even, and he enjoyed every second of it. The problem was, until he had moved in with Minghao, Wonwoo was completely unaware that almost every second that Minghao didn't spend with him, eating, sleeping or working, he would spend with his '97 liner friends. When Wonwoo found out and noticed Mingyu spending tons of time with Minghao... Well… Mingyu could recall that it is NEVER a pleasant memory when Wonwoo's jealousy takes over his normal gentle (and to Mingyu, over confident and prissy bastard) self 

Recalling Wonwoo's threat, he didn't really think it would be a wise idea if he told Minghao what had really happened. Shuddering at the memory, he remembered the horrible and death threatening threat that Wonwoo had threatened him with. Thinking back, it was something like, "Hello Mingyu-ah, if you don't do what I told you to, then you'll find yourself being hoarded by really, really, REALLY scary women at night, and find yourself losing your virginity down a dirty alley ridden with rats. You may think, they can't catch me, but imagine yourself running from hordes of them day after day all around South Korea." His step-brother had said really evilly, and knowing his step-brother... Mingyu knew Wonwoo was serious. 

Sighing, he looked at Minghao grudgingly. Just this boy managed to cause him a heap load of worry and trouble, but sighed as he was happy that he didn't get a stranger for a brother in law. Judging from Minghao's facial expression, it was clear he would have to start talking soon or else  he'd start with his own unique form of torture. Gulping, Mingyu pushed the worried thoughts out of his head and started trying to think of a 'better' and less bad sounding version than what had actually happened. 

"Well... Uh..." He started, trying to buy time. He peered at Minghao again, and saw him raising his eyebrows in suspicion. He guessed he would have to act this time if he wanted to get out unscathed. 

Suddenly, Mingyu's face became troubled and almost became a full pout, guilt sensors twitching inside of Minghao. 

"Well... I didn't want to say anything... You seemed like you were spending more time with us, '97 liners, than my brother, and he felt really upset about that..." Mingyu said, making it up on the spot. Although, not all of it were lies as he carried on with, "I just... thought you guys should spend more quality time together, he loves you a lot you know." As he finished, he tried to put on the most upsetting and pitiable face he could put on, and looked back at Minghao, making tears well up in his eyes. 

Unpinning him off the floor, Minghao hugged him apologizing for his actions and how mean he was. Whilst he held Mingyu against his chest, suffocating him, Mingyu could swear he was a really dumb sucker for these types of acts, and if he wasn't so scared of being caught in his acting he would of went back to his normal look and would have sniggered. 

Remembering that Minghao wanted to talk to him about something, something important apparently, he put his hands around his arms and detached him from him, standing up and sighing. Offering  to get tea, he walked off briskly without looking back, leaving an expressionless Minghao in his room. 

Minghao didn't want his fun to end so quickly, he missed the teasing and fun sessions he had with Mingyu. Thinking sadly to himself, he knew that this could possibly be the last time he would ever be able to tease him, and the thought alone made him want to cry. 

He was interrupted by his reminiscing as Mingyu walked past him towards the table, setting two new warm cups of tea onto his table. Sitting at one end, he waited for Minghao to accompany him and sit on the opposite side. 

Doing exactly that, Minghao placed his hands around the tea and realised how cold his hands actually were. Lifting the cup up, he drank it slowly, thankful that Mingyu let it cool down a bit before giving it to him, and smiled as he noticed Mingyu had given him hiß favourite tea. 

"So... What did you need to talk to me about?" Mingyu asked, knowing Minghao wouldn't have chased him all the way to his house just to find out why Mingyu had been trying to avoid him. 

Minghao's smile immediately vanished and was replaced with a neutral flat line. Looking down into the reflection of the tea, he sighed as he saw himself.Inhaling before he started, he slumped his shoulders slightly then put on a helpless fake smile. 

"Hey...Gyu..." He started, gathering said person's attention immediately. Mingyu's eyes narrowed with curiosity and suspicion, bracing himself for anything he could throw at him.

"Gyu..." Minghao continued dazedly, "What would you do if I died?" 

Mingyu's world, like Jun's, had stopped. His gaze rising from his tea to him, his eyes widened with shock, fear and loss as he saw the sad expression on Minghao's face, and knew that whatever he was implying was probably true. 

Staring at Minghao in disbelief, he opened his mouth to speak but found no words. Minghao's slightly open mouth transformed into a smile as he saw him, looking down immediately avoiding eye contact. He already expected this from Mingyu, all of Jun's reactions had surfaced, but sped up as he understood this all much faster and easier 

Mingyu was the first to speak this time. 

"How long..." His low voice was a deep whisper, as if he were scared of breaking Minghao with his voice. Minghao sighed in response. 

"A few weeks at most." He replied, his voice void of any emotion. 

"What the hell!" Shouting as he stood up, not as understanding as Jun after all, Minghao thought laughingly. "Why leave it till this late to tell me!" Mingyu's voice was raised, but he was more upset than angry. All Minghao could do was smile helplessly in return of his care, he couldn't do anything in the world to stop his death, and nor could anyone else. Not Jun, not Mingyu, not Jeonghan and not  Wonwoo. 

Mingyu was about to shout some more, but stopped as he opened his mouth to shout again. Instead, his knees collapsed and he sat back down. 

"Have you told him?" He asked, a serious tone with a serious face. Minghao shook his head slowly, blinking away tears. Mingyu looked at him carefully, examining all his reactions. He gritted his teeth as he realised. 

"You have absolutely no intention to tell him, do you." It was more of a statement than a question, as he already knew the answer. Mingyu watched as he continued to smile helplessly, still trying his best to blink away his tears.  "He's going to be cru-" 

"Don't tell him." Minghao interrupted, leaving a shocked Mingyu staring at him as if he were crazy. One look at Minghao from him, and he knew already. He wouldn't be able to tell his step brother anyway, it would hurt even more if it wasn't Minghao who told him. Biting his lip, Mingyu looked away from him, almost disgusted at his selfish wish. 

Minghao knew what he was thinking, since he was thinking it too, but he couldn't tell Wonwoo, no matter what. He wouldn't mind so much after he died, but he didn't want Wonwoo to find out whilst they were still able to be together. 

A cold chill flew past into the room, the only source of noise coming from the room being that cold gust. Looking back up at Minghao, Mingyu grunted grudgingly, a simple acceptance. Minghao was overjoyed. 

Minghao walked around the table and gave him a great hug, one which he didn't resist or hate. Instead, Mingyu hugged him back, and he burst into tears.

Knowing Minghao probably felt terrible and absolutely miserable, he sighed as he rubbed his back, completely unaware of a new pair of black eyes staring at them from the door. 

When they did notice, they almost jumped away from each other. As they did, their guest walked into Mingyu's room, and Minghao's heart almost stopped when he saw his lover in his business suit, looking quite pissed off. The thing he was scared of most of all, was the fact Wonwoo could have overheard their whole conversation. He bit his lip, trying to think of words to say, excuses and arguments readying in his head. Wonwoo looked annoyed enough to kill someone from a mere squeak, making Minghao too afraid to ask him how much of their conversation he had overheard.  Thankfully, Mingyu saw this. 

"Hyung." 

"Mingyu." 

"When did you come back?" Mingyu asked, guessing that he had been on a short business trip. "Just now." Wonwoo replied casually, too casually. 

"Wonu..." Minghao started, still unknowing of what to say. Wonwoo instead looked away, not bothering to look at either of them. 

"I came back about 5 minutes ago, I went here to collect something I had long forgotten from when I moved." He lifted up his left hand to reveal a small red book. As soon as he heard this, Minghao relaxed, relieved that Wonwoo didn't overhear their conversation. But he stiffened again as he noticed that Wonwoo was still pissed. As he looked at him, his anger seemed to be pinpointed at Mingyu, and it was returned equally. Minghao's gaze shifted between them, and couldn't work out why they were so angry with each other. 

"Minghao, go home." They both said sullenly, it was an order, not a request. Gulping slightly, he cringed at their sudden murderous intent. Knowing of the usual results of when they brawl, it wouldn't be pretty. 

Minghao nodded and let out a small 'okay’ in reply, and walked out of the room after throwing Mingyu another piece of clanging metal. Mingyu caught it easily, and looked at it, shifting his attention to the pieces of metal that Minghao had thrown at him. It was another chibi-frog keychain. He smirked, letting a soft chuckle leave him, before putting the keychain away. He looked up at Wonwoo, his anger leaving him at the thought of his brother in pain, and looked at him with empathy. 

Wonwoo didn't know what to say. He finished the trip as soon as he could just so that he could spend another day, or half day at least, with Minghao. He came back to do the last errand he had to do, which was to get the old book. Finally getting it, on the way out he saw Minghao crying in Mingyu's arms, them both hugging and Mingyu comforting him. Even though he knew he should have trusted Minghao more and remembered that Minghao would never cheat on him, it hurt him as he saw Minghao seek comfort in his brother's arms instead of his own. 

Walking in on them, Wonwoo looked at him. Minghao's face was so easy to read. He was scared. He was scared of him knowing whatever they were doing, and Mingyu's actions backed it up. As soon as Minghao heard he hadn't seen anything more than what they did 4 minutes ago, he immediately relaxed, relieved that Wonwoo didn't know. Now he was standing in front of his brother alone, all he saw on Mingyu's face was pity.

"Hyung." Mingyu said, interrupting Wonwoo's trail of thought. "I'm going to say something seriously, and I want you to listen to it carefully." Wonwoo stayed standing, his eyes narrowing. Mingyu didn't care if his brother wasn't listening, he would only say it once and once only, and if he didn't make the most of it, he would kick Wonwoo's ass. 

"Make Minghao really happy, especially for the next few weeks." Mingyu stated, his voice clear and smooth. Before Wonwoo could open his mouth to ask why, Mingyu turned to leave. 

"I can't tell you why, Minghao made me swear secrecy." He ended, and walked off leaving his brother to think. 

Wonwoo immediately recognised the circumstances. He may not know what the conversation was about, but he already knew Minghao would definitely not tell him, and that hurt him. It hurt that Minghao would tell his little brother, cry in his arms for comfort, and have absolutely no intention of doing the same with himself. Although Wonwoo knew he told himself that wouldn't intrude on his privacy, it was getting harder and harder each day that went by. 

Sighing, he dragged himself out of his brothers room, and made his way slowly back to his and Minghao's house. 

* * *

It was already two days after Wonwoo had watched Minghao hugged Mingyu, and the distance between them both had increased. They were walking in the rain, coming back from shopping. Wonwoo was holding the shopping in many layers of plastic bags, whilst Minghao held the umbrella over them both. They both walked through the rain wordlessly, with no one around the only thing keeping them entertained was the rain. 

Suddenly, Wonwoo stopped walking, watching Minghao's back as he walked ahead. When Minghao noticed he stopped walking, he turned around and stared at him worryingly, but not making eye c ontact.

"What're you doing? You'll catch a cold." Minghao said, talking to the floor. Wonwoo didn't know what came over him, but he felt himself feel red hot with anger. 

Starting to walk towards him, Minghao lifted the umbrella even more so he could get under it, but Wonwoo passed by him. 

"Why would you care." Wonwoo said in a dangerous whisper, walking off in front of him, leaving him gawking. Minghao quickly recovered and ran to catch up with him. 

"Hey..." Putting a pout and an annoyed look on, "I do care, a lot more than you know, y'know?" Minghao said as Wonwoo quickened the pace, as if he was trying to get away from him. Minghao noticed this and stopped walking, looking down. Wonwoo stopped walking too. 

"Answer me honestly." He said out of nowhere, hoping Minghao would tell him. "What did you tell Mingyu that you couldn't tell me." 

Minghao gulped. He should have known this was coming, and he knew what was probably going to come next. 

"Wonu…" He said weakly, his voice pleading him in every way, "Please… Don't ask me that… I-I  can't-" 

"It's not that you can't, it's that you won't and don't want to."Wonwoo interrupted, cutting him short. 

"No… T-That's not true." Minghao stuttered, 

"Yes it is, and you know it is. I don't know what it is, but I'm sure you wouldn't mind telling anyone else apart from me." Wonwoo turned to walk away again. Minghao dropped the umbrella and tried running to him, slipping on the wet rain and fell to the floor, Wonwoo ignoring him. 

He got up and ran after him not slipping this time, not caring that his knees and hands were bleeding. He ran to Wonwoo and hugged him from behind, tears rolling down his cheeks. He felt Wonwoo sigh in front of him, then letting a small cynical chuckle escape his lips. 

"You'll tell everyone, even my fucking little brother, but you won't tell me." He said darkly, to anyone else, he would have sounded mad. Minghao just tightened his hold around his waist, crying against his back. 

"You don't even act like you love me anymore!" Wonwoo shouted, dropping their shopping bags onto the floor and pushing Minghao away. 

If they weren't arguing so much like this, and if Minghao wasn't in his condition, he would have giggled at his jealousy, saying it was cute. But he couldn't. He couldn't even deny not wanting to tell him, but he wouldn't deny not loving him in front of him. Wonwoo didn't need to know how much he loved him, all Wonwoo needed to do was get away from him. 

Looking at Minghao, he had produced the worst ever reaction to what he had said, and it broke Wonwoo's heart. He could have laughed, the man he loved so much with all his heart, the man he would do anything for didn't even love him. He lost all common sense, forgetting all the times that they had had together, completely believing that at that point of time, Minghao never loved him at all and was just using him. It was ridiculous, but he couldn't think of anything else. 

Breathing in deeply, trying to blink away his tears again, he exhaled. 

"You're expecting too much of me Hao." He said, his voice wavering as the urge to cry increased. 

"I'm always the one… I'm always the one patching things up afterwards… I'm always the one who isn't told anything… I'm always the one being relied on…" Wonwoo paused after his last word, thinking carefully on what to do next. 

"I… I can't keep on going like this Hao…" He continued, breaking both of their hearts simultaneously. 

"You're being too unfair." Wonwoo whispered, it was almost inaudible against the drumming rain. He disappeared right after he said this, leaving a crying, wet Minghao in the rain. 

Raising his head weakly, Minghao gathered the shopping bags that he left and his umbrella, and headed back home. 

\--- 

Walking inside the building, he rubbed his eyes slightly getting rid of any excess tears that may  have escaped. He was passed by some new employees who obviously knew who he was. They immediately got out of his way, as he looked like he was about to murder someone. 

Climbing the stairs swiftly, he soon found himself in front of Seungcheol's office. He knocked on the door thrice and went inside. Walking into the room, he bowed slightly to Seungcheol and Jeonghan and knew from when he saw Jeonghan that he had a bone to pick with him. 

"You made Myungho-ah cry." Jeonghan stated. Wonwoo ignored it though. "I want a trip. A long one." He said to Seungcheol instead, earning a surprised glare. "No." Seungcheol replied. 

"Why not? You have no reason not to issue me one, you're usually more than eager to give me trips." He said, questioning his cousin and boss with every movement and breath. 

"The answer is no Jeon." He declared, "Go home to Minghao and make up with him."

"I don't want to. Why should I try?" Wonwoo asked him, anger radiating out of his eyes. 

"Jeonghannie." Seungcheol turned to Jeonghan, "Let's talk later, okay?." 

Jeonghan just glares at Wonwoo before he reluctantly leaves. 

"What did you argue about?" Seungcheol asked, his eyes narrowing. 

"It doesn't matter, just give me a trip. A long one.." He replied calmly, noting Seungcheol's reactions to his statement. All he did was sigh hassledly and rub his forehead. If Wonwoo and Minghao had had an argument this severe, then Minghao must have done it on purpose. Seungcheol sighed as he guessed Minghao wanted this… 

"Fine." He started, earning a surprised look from Wonwoo 

"You'll go to Japan to personally visit our branch there. It'll only take you less than a week. Hurry back." 

Bowing again, Wonwoo thanked him, and disappeared. 

Seungcheol sat there, looking down onto the table, and covered his face with his hands. "I'm sorry… Myungho-ah… For everything…" 

* * *

It had already been a whole week since he had left, and despite what Seungcheol had said, it actually took a lot longer. During the trip, he had a chance to concentrate and think things through. He swallowed, the guilt coming to him the day after he had left Minghao. He knew that Minghao hadn't done anything particularly wrong, Minghao had every right to his privacy. In the end, it was him being selfish, not Minghao. Wonwoo knew that he needed him just as much as Minghao needed him, and he was his support even when he didn't notice it. 

Meanwhile, he was really nervous. Really, really nervous.

Wonwoo had rushed to their house, wanting to apologise as fast as he could, to see Minghao smile again and hear his melodic voice again. But he was scared that Minghao might not take him back,  after what he had said that day, Wonwoo couldn't say he could blame him. 

Making his way to their house, he opened the door slowly to see shoes at the doorway, meaning Minghao would be at home. 

He walked upstairs to the bedroom, to see no one there, just a made bed. 

He looked into the kitchen and no one was there, and the same with the Garden. 

No one was in the bathrooms and he couldn't sense anyone in the house. Rubbing his head slightly, he realised that Jun probably knew where he was. Guessing he should go, he made his way to Jun's  apartment. 

Standing in front of Jun's apartment, he was about to knock when he heard Jun's voice. "Come in!!" He had shouted, before he even knocked. 

Surprised, Wonwoo opened the doors slowly and walked in. He saw Jun and noticed that his eyes were red and puffy, and he looked tired as well. 

"Do you know where Minghao could be? I tried looking in the house but he wasn't there, and I thought you might know." Wonwoo asked hopefully. Jun sighed and looked down with dull eyes again, once again fidgeting with a piece of paper. Breathing in, Jun forced himself to speak. 

"Minghao's waiting for you at the cemetery." Jun said, his voice wavering. Wonwoo looked at him with surprise again, wondering why Minghao would be in a cemetery. He pushed that thought away and thanked Jun for his directions. Walking to the doorway, he turned around to give one more bow of thanks, then disappeared. 

* * *

The cemetery was a beautiful place, especially like now at sunset. Warm orange colours bathed the marble graves and the trees. Birds would chirp occasionally from the trees and the skies, watching over the cemetery when people weren't there. Purplish pinkish hints of colour would be shown on the giant fire emblem grave stone, as the sun set more, at the main centre of the cemetery. The whole cemetery was surrounded by trees, a perfect place for peace where people can visit their dear ones. 

Wonwoo arrived at the cemetery, looking eagerly for his lover, but found the cemetery eerily empty and silent. Sighing miserably, he guessed he should have known that Minghao wouldn't have forgiven him so easily. He stood there for a while, gazing at the palette of colours that shone on him, and then looking up at the burning sky. Guessing he should continue searching for Minghao, he was about to turn around until he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

Almost jumping out of fright when he felt it, he turned around slowly and saw Jeonghan. Wanting to ask what was wrong, he instead asked, "Where's Minghao?" 

Jeonghan closed his eyes and pursed his lips together, and slowly took the hand that was on Wonwoo's shoulder off, and pointed in the direction of a grave. 

The grave from a distance had many flowers placed on it, so many in fact, that it was hard to see the grave stones beyond it. His eyes widened as he walked closer to it, seeing what he didn't want to  see.

In front of the grave, he fell to his knees and traced the words with his fingers. 

"Xu Minghao" the name said, and various other things. He looked down, his face going pale and his body shuddering from the cold feel of the marble grave. He turned to Jeonghan slowly, and let out a nervous uneasy laugh. 

"You're… You're joking, right?" He said laughingly, trying to laugh. When he saw Jeonghan's face his laughing suddenly stifled and his face went blank. 

Wonwoo didn't even know that, within less than a minute, his whole world could go blank. The warm sunset colours that had bathed the cemetery, the warm sunset colours that Minghao had loved, all melted away. There was nothing but black, white and gray in the world now. He could guess that birds were chirping, but right now, all he could hear were the last cruel words he had ever said to Minghao replaying themselves over and over again. All he could see was the sad smile on Minghao's face, knowing he would die, but still smiling even though Wonwoo had hurt him so much. Tears plummeted to Minghao's grave as he remembered how coldly he had treated him in the last few days of his life, and how unfair he had been to him. 

Putting his palm against his mouth as he cried silently, he regretted all the horrible things he had said to Minghao, crying more when he had begged Wonwoo to stay and forgive him. 

Jeonghan watched him sadly, only slightly understanding of how much pain Wonwoo was going through. He knew he couldn't imagine how much it would hurt him, but Jeonghan wanted to comfort him somehow. 

Digging into his pocket, he withdrew an envelope. Looking at it once more, he handed it to Wonwoo. 

"I'm not supposed to give it to you." Jeonghan said quietly, trying not to disrupt his thoughts, but still continued. "Myungho wrote this a long time ago, before you guys argued." 

Wonwoo stayed silent. Jeonghan carried on. 

"He told me if you two broke up, I wouldn't be so supposed to give this to you. Myungho wanted you to forget him and not need him, to be able to live without him. It was all for your sake." Wonwoo listened, his grip on the letter tightening. 

"If Myungho was unable to let you break up with him, which was his plan, I would give you this when he died." 

They both knew that Wonwoo didn't want to open it, and he also didn't want to know what was happening, but it was Minghao's last wish. As Minghao's parental figure and mentor, Jeonghan would  definitely make sure that his last wish was granted. 

"Open it." He said, but Wonwoo shook his head. 

"I can't." He said, tears still falling down. Jeonghan looked at him and tried to empathise, he couldn't blame him for not wanting to at all. 

"Myungho had cancer." He stated, since he had no intention to read the letter. Wonwoo turned to him and glared at him, but he didn't look nearly as threatening as he let out a small hiccup.  "He only found out a few weeks ago, and from then on he knew he didn't have much time left." Jeonghan murmured, "I told him to make the most of the time he had left…" "Myungho told me, 'hyung, I can't do anything that I want to do with that amount of time left… The things I want most of all… They can't be achieved in a few weeks,' and Hao smiled as he walked off." 

"What did he want to do?" Wonwoo asked, his deep voice piercing the dreary atmosphere. 

"He wanted to marry you." Wonwoo's eyes widened again as he said those words, and more tears flowed out.  "He said he wanted to marry you, he wanted to grow old with you and have kids with you. He wanted to see you smile at him every morning of his life when he woke up, and he wanted to see your smile every night as he fell asleep." 

"S top it…" Wonwoo said, hiding his face with his hands, unable to take anymore. 

"Myungho would have wanted you to know. And I think you should know too." Jeonghan paused to take a breath before he continued, but found himself unable to continue when he saw the agonizing pain shown in Wonwoo's face. 

"Read the rest from the letter." Jeonghan said, before leaving him alone. 

He relaxed slightly when Jeonghan left, lifting his arm to touch the grave again, tears still falling. He hated it. 

He hated the fact that everything, all of Minghao's actions made sense to him now that he knew Minghao knew he was going to die.  Wonwoo hated the fact that because of his actions, he couldn't even say goodbye to him. His last words were "You're being too unfair," when he was the one causing the misery, not him. 

He hated himself for being such a hypocrite, and he hated himself for falling right into Minghao's plan. 

Biting his lip he pressed his forehead to the gravestone where Minghao's name was, he closed his eyes letting his tears run dry, and resting his head there. He stayed like that for two hours. 

Deciding to finally open and read the letter, he made himself open it quickly, before he changed his mind again. Reading it aloud slowly, in a soft loving voice as if he was talking to Minghao, he read it.

_ "Dear my beloved Wonwoo,  _

_ I'm so sorry that I couldn't stay with you, I'm so sorry that I caused you so much pain, and probably still am. I love you so much, I really did want to marry you. I wanted to have kids with you, a daughter and a son to look after each other, I wanted to grow old with you and hold your hand whilst watching the sunset. I never wanted to die this young, I didn't want to die without having felt these things with you yet. I love you, so, so much Wonwoo, please understand that. I'm sorry for being so selfish as to not tell you this before I died, I couldn't bear to see you upset. I wanted to see you smile, normally, for every day I had left.  _

_ I was happy Wonu, so, so happy. Every second I spent with you made me overjoyed, I love you so much. Wonwoo, you may not think it now, but after a while, it could be a few months, it could be _

_ a few years, you'll be able to move on without me. Wonwoo, I want you to be happy. I don't mind anymore if you leave me for another. I'll always look over you from heaven, as long as I see you happy, I'll be happy too. Live the life I wanted with someone else, fall in love again and make them feel special, like you did to me. Maybe when you're old and die finally, you can come visit me in heaven.  _

_ I love you Wonwoo, I love you so much.  _

_ I'm sorry.  _

_All my love, Minghao."_

He read, noticing the already-dried tear drops that crinkled parts of the paper, and then noticed his own falling down onto his lap. 

Who would keep Minghao happy in heaven while he waited all those years for him? He thought. How could anyone be happy if their lover fell in love with another and live their life happily? He snided. 

How could Minghao be so cruel as to ask him to live his life happily, when the source of all his happiness was gone! 

He cried again, probably for the 4th time that day. Afterall, no one else knew but Minghao that he was one to cry easily. 

How could he become happy, even if it was only a few years, that was too long. He needed Minghao to live, he couldn't live without him. 

He cried at the fact that, even though Minghao was dead, even though his world had stopped… Everyone else's including his own would keep going on, eventually forgetting him. 

He cried at the fact that Minghao was gone. Minghao was actually gone. And he was all alone now. All alone. 

He didn't want any other person to comfort him, he only wanted Minghao. He didn't want any friends to even go near him; the only one he could accept was Minghao. 

Wonwoo could imagine him still, he could hear his voice shouting at him angrily, telling him to move his butt and get up. Wonwoo reached out to him intending to pull him down and lie on top of him, but instead Minghao vanished, and his hand went through air. 

"Is this what I'm supposed to put up with every single day of my life, Hao?" He said out loud. He looked emptily at the sky. Sitting up, he reached for the pocket knife he always carry with him. 

He looked at the blade, a line of silver running sharply down the blade. He watched himself watch himself, and turned his eyes away as he saw the absence of his lover. 

Asking himself, 'is this really what I want?' he looked once more at the blade, and he swore he could feel Minghao's arms around him, hugging his waist, begging him not to leave him. Taking that as a yes, he threw away all hesitation and gripped the knife. 

In a second, all the pain had left him as he withdrew his blade from his stomach, tossing the blood- stained blade somewhere off of the ground. He moved closer to Minghao's grave and rested his head on it. 

Smiling to himself, he prayed that he would be able to go to heaven, or wherever Minghao would be waiting for him at, and felt himself be lifted up by familiar warm loving hands. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> stay safe, healthy and sane everyone!


End file.
